Sleep Deprivation Revisited

People warn you that having a baby will change your world. And it's true. Within the first year, you find that you have adjusted to your baby in oh-so-many ways. The way you travel (or don't), the way you spend time with friends (again, or don't), they way you spend your days, the way you interact with your spouse, the way you shop, decorate, plan, and think. And let's not forget the way your clothes are always stained. However, not all these changes are bad or even unwanted. For instance, playing “Chase Peter” with Dave in the evenings is a huge improvement on watching Netflix (ok, so we still watch Netflix). And even the less-welcome adjustments are accomplished in a relatively short period of time; e.g. by the time baby #2 comes along, I'll already be pretty used to the fact that it takes twice as long to get out the door to go anywhere, that making it through a three-hour church block becomes akin to winning a “Survivor” challenge -just to give a couple of examples.

So why the urgent warning? What's the one adjustment that you just never really adjust to? I'm sure you've guessed it. Sleep deprivation. I'm not talking about the kind of sleep deprivation I experienced in college --you know the hardly-sleep-during-finals-but-then-go-home-on-vacation-and-crash kind. I'm talking about sleep deprivation of the chronic variety. I'm convinced that this type of sleep deprivation takes a toll on memory-making ability because most of last winter is a blur to me. To illustrate, at a friend's Christmas party this weekend I asked Dave, “What did we do with Peter at this party last year? Was he upstairs in his pac-n-play?” A moment later I realized just how absurd that was. Pac-n-play? Last winter Peter didn't even know what a crib was! He was actually in our arms fussing most of the time, but I'd somehow managed to forget that part.

So, memory disclaimer given, I remember things getting quite a bit better when Peter started sleeping in his crib around four months old. There were still the 1-2 nightly feedings though, and weaning him off of those (don't ask me when) was rough. But then...sleep. Marvelous sleep. I'm talking sleeping through the night without interruption more than half of the time. But then, what it is that all the baby books tell you? Just when you think you've got it figured out, everything changes -or something like that? Sometime after Peter learned to walk, we've been treated to regular nightly wake-ups. Again. A couple of times we've forgotten to turn on his space heater and he's woken up with cold little hands and ears, but, usually, we have no idea what his problem is. Is it over-tiredness? Night terrors? Anger at not knowing how to go back to sleep or just wanting to get out and play? Hunger? Inconsistent parenting? -i.e. Sometimes taking Peter out of his crib when he is inconsolable and other times (like last night) turning off the monitor and shutting the door because the exhaustion simply overpowered the guilt? The world may never know.

Now let's add to the mix...wait for it...insomnia. Why already-sleep-deprived people should suffer with insomnia makes zero sense to me. Tossing and turning and thinking, “I should be asleep right now. Now's my chance to sleep. I'll be grumpy if I don't sleep. I should be asleep...” all night long as your mind completely refuses to “turn off.” Again, zero sense. Often insomnia strikes me after a wake-up with Peter, leading my sister-in-law to conclude, “I think your insomnia problem might just be Peter.” Maybe. I hope so. That's got to be at least part of the equation.

I've documented some possible symptoms of sleep deprivation for your amusement.

Possible signs of sleep deprivation:

-A sudden lack of charity towards your spouse: “Fine, I'll get up with him, but you'd better not even think about going back to sleep!”

-Irrational anger: “How could you do this to me?! It's 5:00 and you said you'd be home early!”

-Distorted sense of time: “How can it be 4:05? I swear I looked at the clock half-an-hour ago and it was 4:00?” Or, alternatively, “Wait...two hours have passed since I sat down to mindlessly watch Baby Einstein?!”

-Lethargy: “Looks like Ollie's tearing up a cardboard roll under the table again...I should probably go stop him...but that would involve standing up...”

-Decrease in mental executive functioning: “Now what was it that I was hoping to accomplish today...oh look, a Facebook link to a funny clip..."