You know that thing people always say about marriage and kids? That, "Don't-think-having kids-will-solve-your-marital-problems" thing? Well, in case you were wondering, it's true. While having a baby together does strengthen the bond at a deep-down level (going through heck and back with someone generally has a tendency to do that, i.e. having a colicky newborn together), in the short-term, at least, it creates a lot more marital problems than it solves.
Here's the way I see it. A couple that is well-rested, rational, and spends most evenings enjoying each other's company is 100% more likely to get along than a couple that is exhausted, barely keeping a grip on sanity, and that spends most evenings calming a crying infant. Some evenings, by the time you've put away dinner, bathed and got baby to sleep, squeezed in a favorite TV show, and crashed into bed, you realize that you haven't had a conversation today with your spouse. You don't even have the energy to tell him about your day. This is the sad truth of it.
Can't say I didn't expect it. One thing I didn't realize though, was how much harder it would be to communicate simply because of the increased noise level --how much harder it would literally be to hear and focus on what your spouse is saying over the din of the screaming and the wailing. We've actually had several misunderstandings simply because we mis-heard one another. (Being married to someone with low, quiet voice certainly hasn't helped matters in this department either).
Not to mention how many more opportunities there are to disagree about how things should be done and to just get cross with each other in general. Here are just a few examples:
"Should we let baby cry it out tonight?"
"Did you really forget to pack his binki!?"
"Are you actually asleep already?"
"Should we keep him up later or put him to bed now?"
"Are we a team on this, or what?"
But then, it's also the greatest part of marriage, isn't it? Working together. Learning together. Becoming parents. Together.
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