The Stuff of Parenthood: Concerning Bonding

As you can probably tell from my last post, I've given some thought to the idea of bonding. It's easy to freak myself out with this one: "Did I spend enough time snuggling/playing with Peter today?" "Will he still bond with me even though I stopped breast-feeding?" Of course you have these worries.

But more, I've thought about bonding as a process. Because here's the deal; when they put that baby in your arms for the first time, you and your baby are still -for most intents and purposes- total strangers.

All my life I dreamed of the moment when I would first hold my baby in my arms. In my dream, there was this moment of pure nirvana, this moment of total and instantaneous bonding. Now, as wonderful as the experience was, the metaphysical moment described above did not occur. It did not occur because, no matter how magical the moment, bonding simply doesn't happen in a moment. It happens bit by bit, day by day, diaper by diaper.

I love this quote about bonding and the newborn experience. It's from a book called "The babytalk Insider's Guide to Your Baby's First Year" (would highly recommend):

"...and life beyond the next diaper change is foggy at best. Sure, there are meaningful, memorable moments with your newborn, but it's not very likely that your relationship has evolved to the point that you could call it a bond. A bond is when you know exactly what someone needs and how to fulfill it, right? You may love your baby at first, but there's a good chance you don't always like him...or know what the heck to do for, with or about him.
...Meanwhile, we can all aspire to the perfect relationship...as long as we remember that these things reside mostly in fantasyland. Day by fuzzy day, somewhere along the way we start to get a little bit of it right..."